This blog is about meditation, finding/ identifying love, transcendence and the alchemy of becoming.
For me it all began with no love. feeling that I could NOT FIND WHAT I NEEDED. but WHAT DID I NEED? WHAT DID I WANT? AND WHERE WAS IT? these were the questions i assaulted myself with daily.
I felt if i COULD ONLY FIND WHAT MADE ME HAPPY and do it as a job I would be happy. I was so unhappy. I felt so lost, so completely sad most of the time. My friends described me as an alive, happy person who was fun but they never knew the deepness of feeling that assaulted me daily when I wasn’t showing off or entertaining.
Maybe I suffered from depression? I went to the doctor and tried a variety of medications from Prozac to lithium and all the other types in between. They made me feel worse and my body protested to every one of them (I could actually hear her saying “no”). it was a lost cause so i gave it up.
I decided I needed to go out into the world and seek that thing which i needed…that invisible thing…to explore and find it, realize it and then bring it back. And this is where the journey began…at 17 i quit school, left ‘home'(?) which was Vancouver Island BC, and went to live among Eskimos in the North West Territories…
that was thirty years ago. Today I sit in my living room in London, UK and wonder why it had to be so difficult…
I welcome all your comments so please post your words, feeling, or views that you would like to share in the reply box below!