I was a sexually abused child who regularly would float above my body every night protecting it from the ‘enemy’ who was in the room next door to me. Though my abuse only happened in one year its effects would follow me through life by way of my behaviors and beliefs which would alter my life experience dramatically.
My parents were self-absorbed and very unhappy and consequently I was left alone a lot. It was at 6 years old (after the abuse) that I began to wonder about life and death – what was life all about? why live only to die?
It was here that i began a life-long love affair with the unseen world. My closest friend was inside of me because i could not trust anyone on the outside. it told me what to do and where to go. a very good guide for someone as lost as me. invaluable. At 11 years old i finally realized that this voice was separate from me. it was not me doing the thinking – I was the one doing the doing. I was not the guide. this intelligence was within me but it was separate from that which i identified as “me”.
At twelve years old I sat beside a young man on the transit bus who held a bible. i asked him what he was doing with it (having been brought up atheist – or at least by people who made fun of those who mentioned “God”). He replied saying he was going to theology school and asked me if i knew what that was. I said, “yes, it is the study of God”. My inner being swelled in my chest and I wanted to go to theology school but the voice inside said, “Not yet. First you must learn about the world.”
And so I did.
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