Today i stood in the kitchen listening to children playing in the backyard and my heart spilled over for the mercy of God. This seems so crazy to say, and it has been happening to me for years. My heart and mind suddenly filling with God’s incredible glory bringing me to my knees in bitter-sweet pain. I collapsed over the sink as i have done so many times and sobbed, so careful no one sees me as it could easily be mistaken for sadness.
I flashback to the time when i had just emerged from meditation out in the desert. I moved back to canada and was also standing in the kitchen, when suddenly i had huge unfathomable compassion for my child’s abuser. this compassion was great and as i filled with mercy i was pushed into a kneeling position on the floor of my kitchen, head bowed, arms in. i had absolutely no control over my limbs, this was automatic and a wave of God, like a large breeze, passed through me as my being heaved while my heart flowed over with a river of deep compassionate love.
I don’t know what happened next but this was around the time that I had gone to the Goddess’s chamber – the darkness within the cosmos – to witness her greatness of being. her majesty, her magnificence in her powerful, humble receptive being. She was the universe. She was the all. Her force, receptivity (love) controlled everything. in her lowest state she was raw ungovernable emotion and in her highest state she was the deepest compassion imaginable – the power that pushes one to save another and know that somehow, though unseen, we are one.