I am a seeker, one who wants to know. One who does not rely on “the system”. One who challenges myself. Doing this kept me interested and alive.
The one thing I noticed was that if I did one thing just for me per day – it would boost me up. This was rollerblading (and later meditating). I was a very fast and talented on roller blades and even featured in the local newspaper at one time for my speed and agility. You could say I was a bit of an adrenaline junkie.
One day I was rollerblading down a very step hill on a quiet Sunday afternoon when, quite suddenly a car appeared and I was run over – not just once but twice!
Yes, the car stopped and parked on top of me after running me over. What happened to me (or within me) next is bizarre…as all five (yes five very large people) emerged from the car the women were crying, “You’ve killed her!”
I was very still under the vehicle and a very calm and male voice, very different from own, came forward from within me and said, “Removed the car from my body and then come back and pick me up.”
They drove the car off of me, and then ran back and two big men picked me up and carried me to the car. My voice said, “lay my body across all of you in the back seat and drive me home.”
They followed my instructions, and I began some of the hardest work in my life to reverse paralysis…
As per my instructions, they carried me out of the car and up the stairs into my bed. They left their insurance information and I said nothing. I could not feel my legs but i knew that if i reported the accident I would be telling myself that I was injured. I refused to be hurt.
They left and I fell asleep for over 12 hours. I woke up and dragged myself to the bathroom with my elbows then ate breakfast. I threw their information into the garbage so there was no way out – i must heal. I began the mind work by lying on the floor and imagining myself walking. I began to use visualization to stimulate activity in my lower body. I could feel absolutely nothing from the waste down. I used pain as my friend and began imagining the pain of pebbles and sand scrape the bottom of my feet as i walked on the beach. the hot sand burning into my toes…
I also beat my legs for hours per day until i was covered in sweat (its harder than you think sitting up when you have paralysis).
I would speak out loud saying i’m walking to the store now. I’m running around the block now and then visualize myself doing the activity. One activity i used frequently was getting my legs scrapped by black berry brambles…I hated that and used it to heal my body because the pain of it was so active in my mind.
I phoned into work and told them that i had a personal emergency and that i would not be in for a month. I did not tell them why. i told no one why. i did not want pity. i did not want anyone to believe i was paraysised. I hid for a month.
during that time i worked so hard daily with my mind that i would pass out from sheer exhaustion and then wake up and do more…and then pass out. i was militant. i would scream at my body and order it to do my bidding. “you are standing!” “you are walking!”
i ordered everything by phone. weeks passed until one day i felt a tremor. oh i was over-joyed! i phoned equipment rentals and had them deliver crutches to me asking them to leave it at the door (i could not walk or balance yet let alone stand to open door.) I dragged the crutches in and used them to stand and lean against the wall.
I continued my mind exercises using pain of walking long trails up the mountains and remembering the aching joints and muscles to stimulate my legs. I visualized stubbing my toe to stimulate activity there. over and over again i used pain and remembered all the details of those mountain trips, or icy snow, or frozen toes to activate my feet and legs.
Then i could stand. weeks later i could walk. training myself how to walk was unbelievable. i was like a baby learning to balance and walk but i did it. two weeks later i was using a cane and then i was back at work – still i told no one. i was not yet stable enough to.
Though i began roller blading not long after (to reactivate the muscles), it took about 6 months to regain my full strength. never once did i let up, never once did i tell anyone. it was my battle and i was going to win.
This was my first initiation into the power of the mind and body.